Complicated
by Sophie Fatale
Summary: When are you going to notice how loved you are? IT HAS A BIT OF ACTIONADVENTURE, BUT MOSTLY ANGST AND ROMANCE..AND IT'S SPARKY! First Story Please R
1. Chapter 1

Teyla and Ronon were almost at the gate by now and John was covering the rear. Rodney was running at his fastest, he could tell from behind him. He also noticed the fear in Rodney's movements; they were being chased by the Wraith after all.

"Teyla dial the gate, NOW!" Just as Sheppard yelled he saw something moving in the corner of his eye and he stopped, aiming his P-90 at the forest. He watched as a little girl run and not far behind a huge wraith running after her. He didn't think about it twice before running in the direction of both of them.

"Colonel, what the hell are you doing!"

"Rodney, go trough the gate and raise the shield"

"Are you nuts! Well, of course that's just a rhetorical question because you obviously are!" Rodney kept talking till John wasn't visible anymore.

"I should go after him" Said Ronon.

"Maybe you should".

Like sensing the conversation John's voice was heard over the radio.

"_Go now!"_

"You expect us to leave you here?" Rodney whispered over the radio.

"_I'll be there in no time; just go…That's an order"_

None of them were convinced but Ronon was military, and he followed orders, and John knew that. They stepped through.

888888

Elizabeth watched as the gate engaged and waited till her number one team emerged…But they didn't. She was worried, she knew a certain Lieutenant Colonel that attracted trouble like a magnet. After what felt like an eternity three figures emerged and she desperately searched with her eyes for the fourth member, no other than John Sheppard. But he didn't come through.

"Where's John!" She couldn't conceal the concern in her voice.

"He ordered us to go through while he went chasing something, of course he didn't mind tell us what it was, you know him, he's just reckless and selfish, he wouldn't have thought-"

"Rodney!" Elizabeth cut him off, it was obvious all the rambling was because he knew no other way to show the concern for his friend, but she needed to know what had happened.

"He said we should raise the shield. He said he would be here in no time" Teyla wasn't sure if she said that to reassure Elizabeth or herself.

With one look at the technician he raised the shield. And then they waited.

888888

When John reached the girl, the wraith had her by the throat. He aimed to the wraith's head and shot. But the wraith had heard John coming; it ducked and moved so fast that John could do nothing to stop it when it snapped the girl's neck. If it wasn't for his military training he probably would have stayed there looking in shock how the girl was thrown away. And today, he was very thankful for that training.

He shot at the wraith again to buy some time and get the hell out of there, but the wraith was fast and in a heart beat he was punching John in the chest so hard that he went flying over some bushes. He couldn't let the pain slow him down, that would mean death, so he just ignored it and run as fast as he could to the gate.

888888

They all stood in the gate room balcony in silence waiting for the arrival of their friend.

Elizabeth looked pale and her heart was tight with worry. _Why would he do this to her, why he couldn't just pop up from the gate smirking as always._ Her thoughts were interrupted by the technician.

"Ma'am, we have Colonel Sheppard's IDC".

"Lower the shield!"

He stepped through and there was a collective sigh of relieve in the gate room. John Sheppard was home.

"Hey" Was all he said before heading to the living quarters.

"Wait a minute Colonel" Beckett was at his side in an instant "Post mission check, for all of you" He directed the last part to the team who was approaching Sheppard.

John just sighed, he saw it coming.

The team reached Sheppard not saying a word and headed to the infirmary.

Elizabeth was a bit concern by the lack of conversation from John's part, and she also noticed something in his eyes, she couldn't place what it was, but something felt different.

And she decided, after the adrenalin rush was over, she should do some paperwork before the debriefing and headed for her office.

888888

He was almost inside his quarters when he heard a voice calling his name. It was Rodney, and John knew the scientist wouldn't be gentle, not today.

"What's up Rodney?"

"WHAT'S UP! Are you kidding me!" Rodney yelled to John.

"Not now, Rodney"

It was simple, he didn't want to talk about it, he felt bad as it was, and he knew he would have to give every explanation and detail in the debriefing, so he had about a twenty minutes break from the guilt and burden. As he said that he shut the door behind him with a single thought. John suspected Rodney would be angry and frustrated but for the moment he didn't care, he just wanted to relax and forget about the pain in his chest that wasn't all given by the wraith. He lay down on his bed while replaying in his head the image of the girl being thrown to the ground.

888888

The debriefing was short and John didn't say a word until he had to explain why he run to the forest. He didn't want to give too much detail but he said what they wanted to hear. And when it ended one Elizabeth Weir was pissed. She wasn't yelling at him nor she was grounding him, but if looks could kill, John would have been dead by now. At the end she asked him to follow her to her office and he did, reluctantly, but he did. He wasn't sure why she was so mad at him, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out either.

"What were you thinking, Colonel?" Damn it, she used his rank, things didn't look too good for him.

"I was…" He didn't know what to say, he acted on instinct basically.

"What!"

"I don't know, OK? I just saw the girl and the wraith behind her, she needed help, and I went to help her".

"And did you help her?" Elizabeth knew this was low, and the hurt look in John's face confirmed it, but she was so mad at him. He always did things like this, worried her to the bone and then act like nothing happened, why does he have to be the hero? She needed him to be safe, why couldn't he see that?

"No" He answered in a whisper looking down.

"No. But you still left your team alone, didn't you?"

"They were at the gate, almost in Atlantis…"

"Almost, John."

She was right, what kind of leader leaves his team alone for a girl that couldn't be helped. _Damn it. I messed up, again_.

"John, you have to understand, you can't save everybody"

"No I can't" _I can't seem to save anybody_, he thought. "But I can at least try".

" No you can't, Colonel. What are you trying to do? You're not Superman. You want to kill yourself, fine. But there're more people in this base, in your team! You only think about yourself!" She knew she was yelling and she knew she was being unfair, he isn't selfish at all on the contrary, he's selfless, and that was what bothers her the most. Why can't he see he's worthy and loved! _Damn it, John_.

"You're right. I'm sorry" And with that he left her office, leaving a very shocked Elizabeth Weir.

888888

The next morning Elizabeth tried to reach John by radio, he didn't answer. She thought he'd be angry at her and didn't want to talk to her so she walked to her office, dismissing the fact that John wasn't answering. By lunch time she went to the mess hall to grab something to eat and saw Rodney sitting with Carson in one of the tables.

"May I join you, gentlemen?"

"Sure, lass"

Elizabeth smiled at the Scot and sat down.

"Have you seen John?" Suddenly McKay asked.

"No, he's probably avoiding me" Elizabeth answered with a hint of sadness.

"He is?" McKay questioned surprised. John was never angry at Elizabeth, quite the opposite.

"I was an….Yesterday, I yelled at him" She suppressed the urge to call herself an ass because they were in a public place and she still was the leader of the expedition, she at least needed some decorum.

"Why, love?" Asked Carson concerned.

"I didn't have the right really….I just did it because I needed to. I needed to know he was there, and I needed to release some of the tension I had…I shouldn't have done it" She said regretfully.

McKay looked uncomfortable, he felt he was getting in whatever John and Elizabeth's relationship was. But Carson understood…He always did.

"Lass, you should talk to him"

"I tried he's not answering his radio, like I said, he's avoiding me".

"No, he's not"

"Rodney, what are you talking about?"

"He's not answering his radio, I've been looking for him all morning. He didn't answer me or the control room when I asked them to call him"

"WHAT?" Elizabeth was even more worried now. God, she shouldn't have yelled to him!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis doesn't belong to me, etc…**

**A/N: First I'll start telling you all Sophie Fatale is my new nickname(former almarmentini), although this is my first fic I had dropped some reviews here and there…  
I just wanted to say thanks to one person in particular who made this story possible(and threatened to harm me if I didn't finish it S), so thanks Quezacolt/Heidi.**

**And of course, THANKS TO THE READERS AND REVIEWERS! D**

888888

Twenty minutes later two marines were sent to look for him, and thanks to the LSD they find him in one of the balconies in the outskirts of the city. Elizabeth wanted desperately to talk to him, to apologize to him. She personally went to the east pier, she needed to. She walked outside, and saw his silhouette leaning on the railing.

"John?"

He didn't respond.

"We've been looking for you"

"Did something happen!" He asked turning around, obviously worried.

"No, John….We were just worried"

"Why?"

She couldn't believe her ears; he just couldn't see how much they cared for him.

"Because you're important, John" She sighed before continuing. "I tried to reach over the radio, but I thought you were avoiding me…"

"I'm not avoiding you Elizabeth, I needed to be alone that's all. But I'm sorry I didn't bring the radio, you could've needed me, after all I'm the Ranking Military Officer" He did not add what he was really thinking: _but not a very good one, obviously. _

"Why would you say that? We were worried about you, not about a possible crisis concerning security of the city"

He didn't say anything else, and Elizabeth thought this might not have been such a good idea. She was sad now, seeing John talking like this broke her heart. She stood there, in silence and let the tears fall freely down her face, she didn't know what to say, what to do.

"I'm sorry, John….I really am" She then turned around and left, she needed some time alone too.

He sensed her crying and kicked himself for it. _Way to go, John, make her cry. Idiot. _When he looked behind him she was gone. He stayed there all night and when the sun was over the horizon again he left.

888888

He got to his room, it's been two days since he last slept, but he needed to do something else before he succumbed to slumber first, he showered, changed clothes and left heading to the mess hall. A couple of minutes later he was on his way to Elizabeth's office, with two trays in hand.

"Hi" He greeted.

"Hey" She smiled and he smiled back, she missed that smile so much.

"I just brought you some breakfast, thought you were hungry"

"Thanks"

"I'm so-"

"You kn-" They said at the same time.

"You first" Said John smiling at their synchronization.

"Well, I just wanted to apologize for what I said….I didn't mean it. You're not selfish, I am. I never thought what you were going through, I just said what came to mind. I'm so sorry, John"

"Elizabeth, you have nothing to be sorry for. You were right, I never thought about my team and I did something stupid that didn't even help that poor girl. I came here because I needed to apologize. Last night I made you cry, Elizabeth, and I….I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, I'll never do that again, not ever!" He yelled the last part, he was embarrassed at what he had done, and he couldn't stand there another minute under Elizabeth's shocked expression so he stormed out of the room.

"John!" Elizabeth cried out.

888888

Today John did avoid Elizabeth. He couldn't face her, not yet. John wanted to be calm next time they talked so he would talk to her when he gets back from today's mission. They were going to talk to the Kegans, see how they were doing since the last time they checked, piece of cake.

"Colonel, wait!"

"Hi, Carson. Do you need anything?"

"Yes, son. Could I go with you on this mission?"

To say John was shocked would've been an understatement.

"Doc, I thought you hated to travel off world"

"Sure I do lad" He said smiling "But I'm a doctor, son. Dr. Weir mentioned some Kegan kids were ill"

"Well, of course you can go doc, you just need to gear up. We leave in thirty minutes"

"Thank you, Colonel"

Thirty minutes after that the whole team was in the gate room.

"Colonel, a word please" Elizabeth said softly.

John met her eyes, and climbed the stairs to her office.

"What?"

"I need to talk to you, John. But most importantly, I need you to listen to me"

"Liz, I know you do, but now is not the time"

"But I think you should know-"

"Colonel, I thought we were leaving today!" Shouted a very irritated Rodney.

"I'll be there in a minute"

"Liz, I promise we'll talk when I get back, OK?"

"OK"

And then he was walking through the gate and waving a hand at her.

"Come back soon" It came out just as a whisper.

888888

Everything went out OK, the kids were getting better, and the Kegans were fine. They even invited them to drink some evening tea. After they were done they said their goodbyes and left in the direction of the stargate.

"Hey, Sheppard"

"Yes, Rodney?"

"Well, I wanted to say… I'm sorry. I know you had a hard week and I ignored it. If you need me, you can talk to me, you know"

John didn't know what to say, this was unexpected to say the least, but nice nonetheless

"Thanks" He smiled and patted Rodney on the back.

They kept walking; Rodney was next to Sheppard not far behind was Carson. Ronon alongside Teyla covered their six.

Once the gate was visible the group relaxed, knowing they were going to be home soon.

"Thank God, I truly thought this walk was going to kill me. How much was it? Anybody?...Well since you're not listen to me-"

In that moment a huge creature jumped from a tree. John acted on instincts and pushed Rodney to the side just as the creature scratched where McKay was supposed to be. It reacted quickly to the other individual's agility and this time didn't miss. John felt the claw dig into his side and moaned for the pain it caused, but he couldn't stay there, he needed to check if Rodney was alright so he got up just in time to see the alien creature move towards his friend. He used his P-90 against it and watched as the animal fell to the ground, lifeless. He sighed in relief as he confirmed all of his team members were OK. Suddenly something moved inside the forest. And it was something big.

"Shit! Everybody, to the gate now!"

Nobody contradicted his order this time. As they started running John saw what was chasing them. I looked twice the size the creature he just killed. Damn it, with his luck it was probably the thing's mother.

Teyla knew they wouldn't make it in time, so she decided to split from the team, hopefully getting the attention of the animal. John watched as she did so and understood what she tried to do so he grabbed Carson's arm and dragged him onto another path. Ronon also noticed and took McKay by the arm and hauled him in a different direction.

**Apparently I'm leaving in about a week to Boston, so I'll try to update the whole story by then…If you review me, of course evil grin**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I forgot to warn you this fic hasn't been betaed, so you probably have found and will find some (or lots of) grammatical mistakes. Sorry about that, sometimes is hard to write in a foreign language. And thanks again for the reviews; I really appreciate them, being my first fic and all… **

888888

Teyla was very careful when she stopped running; she knew she had lost the animal when they divided, but she needed to make sure there weren't anymore of those nearby. Once she was certain she was alone she started heading back to the gate, if the animal hadn't tracked her down it had tracked somebody else down.

888888

He couldn't run anymore, he was beyond tired now, and he desperately needed a break. But he wasn't sure he could afford one, before him he could see Ronon's shape and he was already far behind, he didn't want to be alone in the forest. Hell he didn't even know why they split up if it'd been up to him they wouldn't have.

"Ronon!" He tried to keep up, but that task proved nearly impossible. "Ronon, wait!"

Suddenly, he slowed down. In a couple of seconds he was walking and then he stopped.

"I think we're safe"

"SAFE!" Did you even saw the thing, it was huge…"

Ronon glared at the scientist telling him all that needed to be told with just one look.

"Right…What do we do now?"

"We wait"

888888

John never let go of Carson's arm because he knew if he did the thing would have grabbed him by now. He kept running with the doctor beside him. He was exhausted and he knew that junior had done some damage to his side, but he refused to give up, if he did Carson wouldn't stand a chance.

"Colonel!"

John ignored Beckett; he needed to focus on the path.

"Colonel, stop!"

At this he reacted, he watched Carson. He was frowning, and he kicked himself, Carson could be hurt. He stopped.

"Are you alright?" He asked concerned

Beckett frowned even more, at this John became more concerned, he reached for Carson to sit him down but the Scot stopped him.

"_You_ are the one who's hurt"

"I'm fine, doc. We need to keep moving, I think mom's mad at me"

"First, Colonel, you're bleeding a lot, you're not fine, And second…Mom? What mom!" Carson asked worried his patient might be delusional from blood loss.

"I think the creature that's after us it's the other one's mother or something."

"Bloody hell, then we're screwed, lad" The fear in Carson's eyes wasn't missed by Sheppard; he needed to be strong to keep Carson safe.

"No we're not. Although if we want to have a chance we must keep moving"

As he said that a cry was heard by both men.

"Damn it, it's close."

"And what do we do, son!" Carson was beyond scared.

John thought for a moment and watched their surroundings. They were in a thick forest and he couldn't see anything but trees.

"We keep running, doc. Sorry"

888888

Elizabeth sat in her office reading some reports, well, trying to. Her mind was elsewhere and there was nothing she could do about it. She was supposed to be a great leader. But she wasn't. Not now; she knew her heart wasn't neutral anymore, because she needed him and she would do anything for him. And if it came to the city or him, she didn't know which one she would pick. A knock on the door took her back to reality. It was one of the technicians.

"Yes?"

"Somebody's dialing the gate, ma'am"

She ran to the control room.

"Do we have an IDC?"

"Is Teyla's IDC, Dr Weir"

"Lower the shield"

"She's sending a radio transmission"

"_Dr Weir!"_ Teyla sounded stressed and that scared Elizabeth, Teyla never sounded stressed.

"What's wrong, Teyla?"

"_Dr, We got separated while running from a native animal. I was the first one to get to the gate apparently"_

"Is anybody hurt?" _Please let the answer be no_.

"_I think Colonel Sheppard might have been injured"_

Her world sunk. But she knew she couldn't show that so she collected herself. Now was the time to play Doctor Weir's role, not Elizabeth's.

"Understood, we'll send a jumper right away"

"_I'll be waiting"_

"Base out"

Ten minutes later Major Lorne's team went through the gate by jumper and a med team was already waiting in the jumper bay.


	4. Chapter 4

888888

"Lad, I can't go on…I'm a doctor, not a bloody G.I. Joe"

"It's OK, I think we can stop for a minute. But that thing is tracking us so we don't have much time" John said checking for something usable against the animal.

"What's that smell?" Asked John.

"I don't know, I hadn't noticed before. It's quite strong, isn't it?"

"I think is coming from that plant" John kneeled in front of a big bush.

"Stop it, Colonel. It might be poisonous"

John grabbed some the leaves with his jacket and stood up, smirking.

"Now, we just need a safe place to stay for the night, doc. These leaves will cover our scent, and hopefully we'll be free of the creature soon"

"A whole night! Son, you need medical attention as soon as possible" Said Carson frustrated.

"Carson, don't worry, I'll be fine…And besides, we won't stay for the whole night. Just till the thing gets bored of following nothing"

Carson wasn't so sure about John's plan. He didn't look fine; but Carson didn't have any other idea…

"See that hill?"

"Actually, I do" Carson hadn't noticed before, but now he could see big hill before them.

"We'll find shelter there, doc. Don't worry"

"Right"

888888

"How much?"

"We are almost there, Mckay"

"You said that ten minutes ago…I'm not very good at walking you know…"

"We are here" Said Ronon amused by the scientist confession.

"We are?" Rodney asked bewildered

"Ronon, Doctor!"

"I'm glad you're OK, Teyla" Commented Ronon honestly.

"Yeah, yeah, we all are….Where's Rambo and the voodoo master?

Teyla and Ronon both rolled their eyes.

"They haven't made contact…Dr. Weir sent a jumper"

"Did you tried the radio?" Asked McKay confused.

"No, we rather not to. In case they're hiding from the animal"

"OK, and what _can_ we do?"

"I believe, Doctor, we can help in the search by foot"

"Then let's go!"

And with that they headed to the forest.

888888

On the hill, John looked for some cave or hiding place while Carson recollected more of the stinky plant. Some time later John found what looked like a very old tunnel.

"Maybe the Kegans used it for something" Said Carson.

"Or maybe it was here before…The Kegans said they moved to this planet about fifteen years ago…" John was the first to enter with P-90 in hand.

"Are you sure this is safe, Colonel?" Carson wasn't far behind him, and John could feel his cautious steps.

"That's what I'm trying to find out. Stay there, doc"

Carson wasn't usually frightened by darkness, but today wasn't a regular day, and he was petrified.

"All clear back here" Yelled John from the end of the cave

"What now?"

"You are going to stay here, while I check the perimeter"

"Colonel-"

"Stop arguing, Carson. This is not the infirmary, I'm in charge here" He knew he was being a little too hard on the doctor, but he needed Carson to do as told. John took the branches they collected and headed for the entrance.

"Be careful, John"

"I will…" And he was out of the cave.

**A/N: Sorry for the shortness of the chapters...But don't worry, you'll get the good and whumped part soon , Although I'm a bit disappointed with the lack of reviews this last chapter ...( **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know the story's going a bit slow for the moment, and maybe I should have posted it as one long story instead of dividing it in short chapters, but this way it's more exciting(for me at least, lol);and do not worry, it's gonna intensify.**

** Thanks for the reviews and I hope people is reading this...**

888888

Lorne was in the jumper with an Air Force pilot and two marines.

"Sir, we're reading separable life signs"

"Can you tell which ones are our guys'?"

"Negative, sir. Could be anyone"

"Understood. Radio Atlantis"

The pilot hit a button and thought the order he was given.

"You're online, sir"

"Thank you, Lieutenant" Then he addressed to the radio.

"Atlantis, this is jumper two. We haven't been able to locate Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Carson's life signs yet. There appears to be a lot of native fauna and that's not helping the search"

"_How's so?"_ That was Doctor Weir.

"The jumpers can read life signs, but they can't identify the species it reads, ma'am"

"_OK. Major, keep searching"_

"Understood, jumper two out"

888888

"Are you sure they're near, Ronon?"

"This is the route they took"

"Oh. See, now that's not so reassuring, is it!"

"Doctor, stay calm. Ronon knows what he's doing" Teyla said in her calming tone.

"What's that?" Rodney went to grab something behind a tree…It was something they knew well.

"It appears to be Carson's med kit"

"It does, doesn't it?" Said Rodney sarcastically.

Teyla just rolled her eyes, she knew Rodney gets annoying every time he is upset, _and sometimes being annoying it's just a Rodney thing too._

"Yes it does, Doctor. And he would never leave it behind, would he?"

"No…"

"Then we must hurry" And they all started running again.

888888

Carson was worried, again. John was taking too long. Just as Carson got up to go looking for him, the Colonel entered the tunnel.

"OK, all done. It looks we lost it, for now at least"

"You had me worried there, son"

"Sorry" _Messing up again John, you should have stayed with Carson. _Thought John.

"It's OK. Just don't do it again"

"I promise, doc" John smiled and Carson smiled back.

"And, what now?"

"Now we can sit here till help gets here or till mommy gets bored of us"

They sat and John handed Carson a power bar.

"It's what we've got, doc" Sheppard said watching Carson scowl.

"OK, but first let me take a look at your wound"

"If you eat it…" John would let the Doctor be if that made him happy.

Carson took a look at John's left side where the wound was. He definitely didn't like what he saw: it appeared infected. But at least it wasn't deep and the bleeding had stopped.

"Eh, doc…Where's your med kit?"

"I lost it…When we were running"

"Oh"

"But don't worry, lad. I still have some Tylenol and field dressings on my vest. Not fancy, but it will do" _Hopefully._

"It's just a scratch, we'll be fine" John tried to reassure the doctor.

"Aye, we will" Carson had to smile at John's effort to lighten the mood.

After a couple of minutes John's wound was dressed and he was lied down on the hard floor of the cave.

"What about our radios?" Asked the hopeful doctor

"Already tried inside the cave…There's just static"

"We're probably too deep to make contact…"

"Yep"

"So…"

"So"

888888

It has being more than ten hours since she last saw him. And after the last radio contact she didn't know if…._When_ she would see him again; after that thought she started pacing in her office. Elizabeth Weir had no idea what to do. She wanted to go to her room and cry herself to sleep, but if she did she wouldn't be here to hear Lorne's report…Finally, she motioned to her couch and lied down, feeling how the numbness claimed her as she felt her world collapse. Without him she was lost.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews...This is getting interesting, just read it.**

888888

"_McKay, this is jumper two, come in"_ Lorne said over the radio.

"This is Doctor McKay, anything, Major?"

"_No, Doctor. Too many live signs"_

"We think we are on right track. Well, Ronon seems to think so" Ronon glared at McKay.

"What Dr. McKay means is we are close, we found Carson's med kit in the woods, and now we're going straight to a hill"

"Yeah, our hound here thinks Sheppard could have gone that way to find some kind of shelter" Ronon frowned at the reference.

"_OK, we're heading your way. But it's already dark and there're most likely more of those things around"_

"We are not leaving until we find our men" Ronon said forcefully.

"_No, we're not. But it's a far better idea to spend the night in the jumper"_

"Yeah, I'd rather that, actually" Both Ronon and Teyla glanced at Rodney this time.

"What!"

888888

"You awake, doc?"

"Aye, I am…How do you feel John?"

"I'm good. Like I said: just a scratch" _Yeah, right. _Like Carson would believe that coming from Sheppard.

They kept silence for a few minutes. And Carson needed the reassurance of not being alone, he wanted to feel protected; but he knew that wasn't fair, John was hurt.

"Penny for your thoughts"

"What?" Carson was distracted.

"What's on your mind, Carson?"

"Oh…I was just thinking about the situation we've gotten ourselves into…"

"Tell me about it. But you've got to give me some credit. I warned Elizabeth about my capacity to get into trouble after all." Both men smiled.

"You know she trusts you"

"Yeah…" His thoughts got back to a few nights ago, when he made her cry.

"You should sleep, Carson" John stood up.

"Aye, but you should too, Colonel"

"Somebody has to keep watch"

"I'll do it. Then I'll wake you up and you can resume watch"

"Actually, that sounds good. I'm a bit tired…But wake me up in less than two hours"

"I will"

Ten minutes after that Carson saw the Colonel had fallen asleep.

888888

As he entered the balcony he could see Elizabeth watching the sea below, her curls moving softly as the breeze passed by.

"You needed to see me?"

"Yes ,Colonel. I want you to get back to Earth"

John was shocked

"Elizabeth…?"

"I'm serious, Colonel. I want you out of this city as soon as possible"

"Why?" He asked saddened by what he was hearing.

"WHY! Because all you have done since you got here is getting people hurt! YOU happened to wake the wraith; YOU made us enemies with the Genii; YOU lost Ford…Do I need to keep going?"

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry"

"Colonel?"

"Colonel!" The voice kept repeating itself, but he couldn't seem to recognize the owner of it…

"Colonel, wake up!" It was insisting and he felt for the first time how hard was his bed. He tried to roll over so he could feel more comfortable. And boy wasn't that a big mistake. He felt his side on fire.

"Colonel, open your eyes. It's me, Carson"

"C'rson?" He said through clenched teeth.

"It's OK. Just open your eyes for me" John managed to crack his eyelids open to see Carson's concerned face hovering over him.

"What happened?" He was confused, one moment he was in Atlantis and now he was in some sort of cave.

"You had a nightmare, son" Remembering the tunnel and the predicament they were in he felt a bit stupid about his moment of confusion.

"How much time has passed?"

"About an hour" John frowned at that. He didn't sleep much and he knew he wasn't getting anymore till they got back.

"How's your side, John?"

"Just peachy!...Sorry, doc. I just…I don't know"

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, just hurts a bit"

"I'm not asking about your side this time, John…What's going on?"

Seeing the apprehensive face of Carson, John decided to tell him the truth.

"I don't know anymore…"

"It's about Elizabeth, isn't it?"

"I…I made her cry, Carson" He muttered embarrassed.

"What happened?" Seeing John so upset he tried to go easily.

"The story of my life, that's what happened…I disappointed her"

Carson was truly shocked with the admission. John was a very private person, and he didn't talk about his demons or his life before Atlantis.

"I don't think that's possible, son" Carson knew how Elizabeth felt about John, he had seen her a lot in her night vigils in the infirmary worried sick about Carson's number one patient: John.

"Of course it is, Carson…It happens with everybody I care. I fail them" John didn't want to talk about it anymore. He pushed himself up and turned to the entrance of the tunnel.

"I'll go check out outside…I'll bring the radio and try to make contact. Stay here" That's all he said before grabbing his weapon and heading outside.

888888

"OK, we saw the hill, there was nothing there" McKay said annoyed.

"On this side. We have to check out the other side"

"Ronon is right"

"OK, OK…Just warning you, I can be obnoxious when I walk too much"

Teyla and Ronon exchanged amused looks.

Suddenly and unexpectedly the radio cracked to life.

"_Hello, anybody out there?" _Rodney grabbed the radio excitedly.

"Colonel!"

"_That would be me…Are you with the others?" _Teyla took the radio this time.

"We are all together, Colonel. And we've been looking for you"

"_I thought you were. Apparently we lost the creature but it wouldn't hurt if you came to the rescue, you know"_

"Are you or Carson hurt?"

"_Carson's fine…And me, you know me, I'm good"_

Rodney rolled his eyes; he could picture John smiling at his supposed humor.

"Where are you?"

"_Carson is in some kind of tunnel inside a hill. I'm outside, close to the entrance"_

"We are close to you then. And there is also a jumper looking for you"

"_We'll be waiting. Sheppard out"_

All three started smiling relieved; they were alright.

I'll let jumper two know where we are" Said Teyla.

After a couple of minutes they were ready to keep moving.

"Let's go find them"

888888

The voice of a technician through her earpiece woke her.

"_Ma'am, we have a radio transmission from jumper two"_

"I'll be right there" She went flying through the door, this could be news about John.

"Jumper two, this is Doctor Weir"

"_Ma'am Colonel Sheppard contacted his team. He provided location and status; apparently they are both fine and waiting for our arrival"_

Elizabeth for the first time this week felt truly happy. He was alright.

"Understood, Major. Good job, and bring them back"

"_We will. Jumper out"_

He was going to come home. She would see him again. That was all that mattered now.

888888

It was still dark and Sheppard hadn't come back. Carson was scared and didn't know what to do…Going out there looking for John would be dangerous, but if he didn't and the Colonel was in trouble he wouldn't forgive himself. In the end he followed his doctor's instincts and went outside to find his friend.

He grabbed a flashlight that John left him and walked through the woods till he found a clearing. Once there he heard something move behind him.

"Colonel?" Carson took the gun out of the holster and aimed where the light ended in the woods. All of a sudden a huge animal jumped a couple of meters away from him with its claws ready to attack.

888888

John was going back to the cave, fortunately he contacted his team and they were all OK. And now he was going to tell Carson the good news. The cave wasn't far but he had to cross a clearing just before the entrance, and when he stepped to the clearing he saw for the first time what had been chasing them. It was more than 10 feet tall and it looked like a bear and had the agility of a feline; and the worst part was he saw it too close to one good Scot. Too close for a clean shot. He didn't hesitate and shot at the sky to attract the animal's attention, and succeeded. But before the animal turned to John it sent Carson flying against a tree. Three seconds later it did the same with John. It walked till it was right on top of John and the last thing the pilot felt before darkness claimed him was a horrible pain in his abdomen.

**A/N: And let the whumping begin. Reviews are reaaaaaaally appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7

888888

Carson barely lost awareness for few seconds with the blow, and when he opened his eyes again he saw the beast digging its claws hard in John's abdomen. The doctor got up as fast as he could and didn't even think as he shot the thing with all his ammo. The shots hit target, but the animal wasn't close to quitting yet. It moved once more, this time closer to Carson. He didn't have ammunition and he didn't stand a chance and when the thing was 8 feet from him four red blasts hit it and it fell to the ground dead. By the time it hit the soft grass that covered the clearing Carson was at John's side checking for any indication of life.

888888

"There's a cave" stated Rodney, signaling to its entrance.

"I'll check…" Ronon entered the cave and found all the belongings of their missing teammates.

"They're not in there, but this is definitely the place" He said walking out to meet Teyla and Rodney, both with a worried expression on their faces.

Right then they heard gunshots coming from the forest. All four of them ran with gun in hand to the forest.

The first one to enter the clearing was Ronon, and as he did he squeezed the trigger four times aiming at the giant animal.

"Oh my God" Was all Rodney could mutter at the sight of his best friend on a pool of his own blood.

Teyla was shocked too, she didn't even move. Something was gluing her to the spot where she stood, and that something was fear; fear of John not being alive. She managed to grab her radio and tell Major Lorne to hurry up…That was all she could do for John right now.

"Is he…?" Ronon couldn't say it. This was the first person he trusted since he was on the run, and he knew he was the heart of his team too.

"Barely" Answered Carson.

"Jumper two is on its way, and a medical team is waiting in Atlantis"

"He needed that med team yesterday, lass" Was the pessimistic answer.

"But you can fix him, right!" It was a plea more than a question, and Carson knew it. Rodney needed John; hell, all of them did, especially Elizabeth…_God, he needed to save him._

"I have to"

"We found your med kit" Teyla handed, with a shaking hand, the bag to him.

"Thanks, Teyla" The doctor took it and started to help John.

A few minutes later they were all helping Carson to save their friend. Teyla was pressing the wounds while Rodney handed Carson everything he needed from the med kit. And Ronon was cleaning a landing site for the jumper that was almost there. It was all they could do for their fallen friend.

Ten minutes later they were inside the jumper on their way to the gate. Rodney's eyes were glued to his friend's pained face.

"R'dny…" It was barely a whisper

"Carson, he's awake!" Rodney told him excited.

"Hang in there, son. We're going to help you"

John felt as the blood flowed out of his body and as his life drained from him. He knew the doctor was trying to reassure him, but it was no use. John knew things didn't look

good.

""Tell h'r…Tell her I'm s'rry, C'rson"" And with that said John closed his eyes.

"John? JOHN!" Rodney yelled to his friend as tears started to go down his face.

"He doesn't have a pulse!" Carson was in full doctor mode and started doing CPR.

888888

When John closed his eyes, Rodney's heart almost stopped. The thought of ever having a flyboy as best friend would have been inadmissible in his past days, back on earth. But now that he had it, he couldn't imagine life in Atlantis without him. And not just for him. Atlantis depended on him. He couldn't die; him of everybody. The one who would sacrifice for every person on the city, the one who feels worthless, and the one he admired the most. God! If John Sheppard died…He didn't know what he would do. _You have to hang on, John._

888888

Major Lorne felt he was in a slow motion movie. When they first got into the jumper and he saw his CO he couldn't believe his eyes. He was supposed to be fine, not bleeding to death. And he also noticed the desperate faces of the Colonel's teammates. Then he shouted to the pilot to get them to the gate ASAP. _We better get there in time._

888888

The doctor was doing his best, but Sheppard was in bad shape and his heart refused to respond at his attempts to making it beat again. _This couldn't be it_, Carson thought. _You can't leave us, John. If you do Atlantis would fall. God, son; hang in there. _He kept working on the Colonel whilst he heard in the background when the pilot dialed the gate.

"COME ON!" He shouted before crossing the event horizon.


	8. Chapter 8

888888

Elizabeth was in the gate room the moment jumper two was dialing the gate and she headed straight to the jumper bay the minute the jumper was in sight. She wanted, no, scratch that, she needed to see John by herself to make sure he was alright. She got to her destination the moment the jumper was opening its door, and Elizabeth Weir was not prepared for what she saw. In the jumper floor was the person she desperately wanted to talk to, but he wasn't alright, not by a long shot. What she first thought was she was living her worst nightmare: John was dead.

After a few seconds she noticed a heart monitor being attached to him, and it showed a slow and subtle heartbeat. He was, although barely, still alive; and that was what kept Elizabeth from shattering to pieces. But he was pale, too pale for a living being; his jacket was saturated with blood, and all the medical staff that was around the jumper bay was hovering over him with instruments she presumed would help her 2IC.

Her knees buckled and she fought against the nausea…_He's going to be OK; he's going to be OK. _She repeated the phrase over and over thinking that way she would convince herself he would.

She didn't remember the walk, or probably run, to the infirmary. All she knew was Carson and the medical personnel were working at their best to help John and that she sat at the waiting area, thinking about how badly she wanted him to be alright.

The last few hours had worn Elizabeth out, and she started feeling the toll it had taking on her body. Her mind started wandering of and her limbs relaxed. After a minute she gave in to slumber.

888888

Beckett was coming out of the OR when she spotted him. The doctor was covered in blood, and Elizabeth's heart tightened. _Don't let him be dead, please don't. _

"Carson…?" She asked; apprehension all over her eyes.

"I'm sorry, love. The blood loss was massive, and there was nothing we could do" Elizabeth couldn't breath. She felt trapped in the small waiting area and under the pitiful stare of the people around her. _This couldn't be happening_, she thought. John would never leave her like this. Elizabeth stood up rapidly and ran to the place where she could find shelter form the loneliness and the sadness that declared her heart.

She opened the door and stood in the threshold, trying to pretend he was still there. She penetrated his territory. It was so well marked with his scent; _he_ was all over the place…She sat in his bed, looking around her. And when she saw a picture where he stood with his team surrounding him and ready to leave on a mission, she surrendered in the fight to control her emotions and started crying her heart out. _Why this had to happen! WHY!_ She threw the picture against the wall. She sent him to that damned forsaken planet, it was all her fault.

She hugged John's pillow and wept until tears soaked her face.

888888

Somebody was poking her arm and whispering to Elizabeth. But she didn't want to wake up; she preferred the darkness than the loneliness and pain. The person kept insisting and she tried to turn around; that's when she fell to the ground.

"What the hell!" She asked confused, she was supposed to be in a bed, _in John's bed._

"Elizabeth! Are you OK?" She then noticed Rodney helping her to stand up.

She definitely wasn't in John's room as she last remembered. She looked around her, and realized she was still in the waiting area of the infirmary.

"Rodney…Please tell me Carson hasn't come out yet?" She asked frantically.

"What? No, he hasn't…What's wrong?" He asked, concerned now for her too. Maybe he should call a nurse, but Elizabeth cut him to it. She hugged him with all her strength.

Elizabeth Weir felt relief wash over her. It was a horrible nightmare, so he still had a chance.

"Elizabeth?" Rodney was confused, one moment Elizabeth was asking him weird questions and the other she was hugging him.

"I had a nightmare, Rodney… I truly thought he was dead" She said, almost sobbing.

"Oh God, Elizabeth…It's going to be OK" Rodney hugged her back and tried to console her, knowing his words might prove futile once the doctor came out of the OR.

Elizabeth was taken aback by Rodney's closeness; she didn't know this side of him, but she felt happy he showed it to her, especially in this moment that she needed reassuring.

They stood like that for a few minutes, not wanting to break the spell and the proximity they both needed.

888888

Ronon paced in the waiting area where his friends also were: Teyla and Rodney where seated while Doctor Weir stood, one shoulder supported on the wall. When she woke up all confused they were worried, and not just because of her nightmare. Her reaction told them if Elizabeth's nightmare were to happen, they'd lose her too.

Ronon really wasn't one of those guys who shared his feelings with people, but that doesn't mean he does not feel. He feels Doctor Weir is a great and smart leader who cares for her people; he feels John is the heart and soul of this expedition; and he feels that if one was lost, the city wouldn't stand it.

888888

The runner was nervous, she could tell. Teyla could always read him. It had been about 4 hours since they watched his leader be taken to the OR, and there weren't any news about his condition. So she was nervous too. She stood and walked to him, looking at his eyes. She loved those eyes, they showed so much passion, but now they looked troubled and lost, like those of a child that has lost his parents. She took his hands in hers and started praying.

888888

Rodney didn't know what to do. If stand or remain seated, if go looking for a nurse to ask her about his friend's condition or just stay there and wait. He was desperate…In all the crisis in his life he had felt he could do something about it, he had felt useful…But now there was absolutely nothing he could do, and that was just so _GOD DAMN FRUSTRATING! _He watched their teammates and friends comfort each other. He envied Teyla's ability to stay serene in moments like this. But Rodney knew she was just as worried as he was, although not everybody could perceive it. When Rodney turned to check on Elizabeth he heard footsteps coming from the hall that led to the OR. He stood and his eyes searched for the doctor; he could see his silhouette as Carson walked through the corridor…_This is it, _was what Rodney thought before Carson reached them.

888888

**A/N: Another cliffie for you guys. Thanks for all the reviews...Oh, and one more thing...Next chapter may take a while (please don't kill me)...I'm soooo sorry, really. But I'll be back, and with chapter 9 ready for you...I guess. **

**PS: please don't hate me , lol. **  
**PS2: hope you liked this chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I hope the lot of you who's actually reading this won't try to kill me after my loooong delay (please?)…I'm really sorry for that, and it may have affected my writing. Apparently my muse is gone…I have the story in my head, but, well…I haven't had those "writing moods" lately, sorry(again)…Hope you like this; and as always: PLEASE REVIEW!.**

**Warning: not betaed.**

888888

"He…" Carson started, noticing the panicked faces of his friends "We had a hard time in there. The blood loss was massive-"

"Oh my God!" Elizabeth felt the déjà vu; she let the tears fall freely down her face.

"No, love. He is still with us" He said, hugging Elizabeth and thinking how he could have said that, how that must've sounded. "I just needed to let you know it wasn't an easy task. And more important, he might still be with us but his condition is critical"

"What are his chances?" Rodney knew he shouldn't have said that the minute it was out of his mouth. It was so shallow to talk about John's life with percentages.

"I'm not so sure, lad. But we all know the Colonel is a very strong person" The doctor tried to smile at that, someone needed to lighten the mood up…Because the person who did it for them was in an infirmary bed.

"Can I see him?" The request was barely audible between Elizabeth's sobs.

Carson frowned. He knew Elizabeth wanted to see John, but the Scot wasn't sure if she was up to that.

"I'm sorry, lass. I'd really rather you wouldn't, all of you. He is very week and in need of a lot of rest" It wasn't a lie: John needed as much rest as he could get and in Carson's opinion his friends needed the same. "And I'd strongly recommend the lot of you to go to your quarters and get some sleep" His tone not leaving room for any argument.

With resigned faces Elizabeth and the team minus McKay left the infirmary.

"Do you need something else, Rodney?" Asked Carson, rubbing his eyes.

"I need to know" Said Rodney looking at his hands in fascination.

"Know what, lad?"

"He is dying, isn't him? I know he is by the way you just told us he's alive…And, I really need to know because…Just because I do, OK!" It was all so fast that Carson had to concentrate way more than he could right now to listen to the scientist. But it was obvious what he wanted to say: Rodney was worried.

"Rodney, calm down! I know you are concerned about John's wellbeing, we all are" Carson said sighing. Indeed they were worried, it had been a close call and it wasn't even over yet.

"Please, Carson" Rodney was begging and that showed how much worried he was; Rodney didn't beg.

The doctor thought for a minute, he knew John's chances but he was afraid if he told his team and Elizabeth it would have been worse. They were alarmed as it was.

"We'll do everything we can, Rodney" He said choosing his words carefully.

"Is that enough?" Anxiety was all over Rodney's face.

"That's the thing, lad. Maybe it isn't" Confessed Carson looking guiltily at the scientist.

He was shocked with the admission; he was right…John was going to die.

"How much?" Rodney whispered.

"If he survives through the night he has maybe a 30 percent chances"

"Why didn't you tell them! They're all worried sick and you decided to hide the facts from them!" He started, letting his frustration go out on Carson.

"That's exactly why I didn't tell them, Rodney. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FACT WOULD AFFECT ELIZABETH, HUH!" Both were screaming and a few nurses stared at the conversation.

McKay stared wide eyed at the doctor. Carson was right, if he'd have told Elizabeth he didn't what she'd do…He kicked himself for shouting at the doctor, he just wanted the best for all of them and he even forgot Carson was there when Sheppard was injured. He must be bone tired.

"I'm sorry…I know you're taking care of him. It's just so hard seeing him in here all the time"

"I know, lad. It's like he spends more time in the infirmary than in his own quarters" And Carson meant that, when John was in Atlantis and not in his care, he was always working and taking care of things. The doctor knew he barely slept and the eating problem was there. Apparently John Sheppard had to take care of everybody, but for some reason he never took care of himself.

"Now that you know I hope you can go to get some sleep, Rodney. I'll wake you up if anything changes" The doctor tried, knowing Rodney would probably go to his lab to work on something to alleviate the stress; it was his way to do so.

"Right…Sleep. Like that would come after today's events" He muttered to himself as he left the infirmary.

888888

When she left the infirmary she went straight to her room. She climbed in her bed and stayed there, looking at the ceiling trying to forget the scene she witnessed when the jumper landed in the jumper bay. Elizabeth realized how fragile life was, even for him.

She wasn't sure how much time it had passed, but by the time Elizabeth entered the infirmary the coast was clear. She walked close to Carson's office and hear a light snoring from inside. Sighing and thanking whoever was listening for the doctor's obliviousness she walked to the room she supposed John was. It wasn't a real room, but it was more isolated than the rest of the infirmary.

She slid the curtain that covered her sight. What she saw unleashed her tears. He laid there, paler that the sheets and hooked up to several equipment she didn't even recognize; what she did recognize was the heart monitor and a ventilator.

She stepped closer to him, wiping away the fresh tears; Elizabeth tried to reach to him, to touch his fragile frame but it was fear what stopped her. _What if I hurt him? What if I lose him? _She grabbed a chair and put it beside John's still form.

"You better not leave me, John" She said, finally touching his cold hand.

**A/N: I little sad, I know…And again: I'm soooo sooooorry for the delay!**

**And next chapter, again, may take a while…But you all know reviews do wonders in that matter.** **Thanks to the readers and hugs to the reviewers, lol**


	10. Chapter 10

888888

When Carson reached John's bed he noticed the all too familiar scene in front of him, Elizabeth sat in a chair next to his patient fast asleep. It was 5 a.m., so the doctor thought she deserved some more rest before talking to her about disobeying his orders. He covered Elizabeth with a blanket and went to John's side to check on him.

By the time he ended his check he wasn't too happy, Sheppard hadn't improved but at least he survived the night. Carson turned around just in time to see Elizabeth stirring.

"Hello, love" Carson said when she looked at him.

"Hi…Sorry, I just wanted to be with him" She whispered looking at John.

"I know, Elizabeth. But I do give orders for a reason; for starters you look you haven't eaten or slept for a while…" Carson was even more frustrated with her looking like that. "How can I eat or sleep when all I can think of is him dying!" She told Carson, a little anger rising in her voice.

"You have to, lass. John needs you right now, but he needs you healthy…" Carson tried to evoke some logic to the matter in mind, taking the chances that in doing so he could bring more guilt to their leader's heart. And by looking at the way she almost cried at his words, he knew he did.

"You're right…I should-" She was cut short by the beeping of a machine attached to John. Carson moved to his patient's side in an instant.

"What's wrong!" She asked Carson and several nurses who joined the doctor.

"Damn it, not now!" Carson whispered, but Elizabeth heard it, and was even more worried now if possible.

"CARSON!"

"HE'S CODING!" Thad was all Elizabeth heard before her knees buckled and darkness rounded her.

888888

The doctor was working hard at John's side; he didn't even notice when Elizabeth fell to the floor, unconscious. Thankfully, a nurse did and with the help of another nurse they placed Elizabeth on a bed.

Carson, oblivious to Dr. Weir's situation, placed the paddles of the defibrillator on John's chest.

"Clear!" The jolt did nothing to revive Sheppard, so they did it again. And again, and again.

"He's been over 7 minutes without oxygen, doctor." A nurse claimed. But Carson didn't listen to her; he tried again to save his friend.

"Come on, John! Don't do this!" He jolted his friend again, but nothing happened until several minutes later.

"We have a rhythm!" Cried Carson, relieved his friend was back with them.

888888

The last she remembered when Elizabeth opened her eyes was Carson's voice: _HE'S CODING! _

"Oh God!" She stumbled off the bed she was on, and went looking for somebody to tell her what happened. She spotted Carson seated on his desk reading something.

Carson looked up from John's chart and saw Elizabeth coming his way. The nurse had told him about her condition, and after he left John's bed he checked on her. She passed out basically for her lack of sleep, mixed with the intense stress she had in the last few days.

Carson reached her and motioned her to another infirmary bed.

"Lass, you should rest some more" The doctor implored. Not knowing her anxiousness to learn what happened to John.

"Carson! How's John?" She feared his answer would break her heart.

"He's OK for the moment. We stabilized him, but…" He didn't know how to tell her.

"But what, Carson!" She was in full panic mode by now. Sighing, Carson continued.

"He was dead for a little over 12 minutes, love"

"Oh my God! But he is OK now, right?"

"Lass, when your brain doesn't receive the oxygen it needs there can be some… limitations" Elizabeth eyes widened at the statement, she understood what Carson was saying now.

"He's in a coma, love. Although he might wake up it is very likely he will have some brain damage" At his words Elizabeth broke. Carson consoled her and she wept till her eyes were dry.

888888

The days passed and John didn't show any sign of improvement. He received a constant flow of visitors who included Elizabeth, John's team and a big amount of technicians, scientists and soldiers who appreciated their Ranking Military Officer. Although there was a big percentage of the base visiting the Colonel it was Elizabeth who was with him the most; talking to him, taking his hand in hers and waiting for him to finally answer one of her questions.

It was painful for all of them, seeing his friend resting lifelessly and unmoving for more than a week.

888888

Rodney approached the doctor as he entered the infirmary.

"Any change?"

"No…I just paged you because…Well, have you seen Elizabeth lately?"

"Not really, why?" Rodney asked concerned.

"This, obviously, has affected her…She's not sleeping nor eating well. For Christ sake, I had to drag her to the mess hall last night because she hadn't eaten anything!" Carson stated, frustrated.

Rodney looked down at the floor, _how could you let this happen, Rodney? You know John would want you to take care of Elizabeth! _McKay thought.

Noticing of Rodney's internal turmoil, Carson reached for him.

"Rodney, it's not your fault…We just need to be a little more alert. And watch for Elizabeth while he's not here" Carson said as he watched Colonel Sheppard.

"It's been 10 days, Carson" Rodney commented.

"I know that, Rodney. But it's up to him right now, there's nothing else I can do" Explained Carson. Again.

"There's got to be something…Maybe in the Ancients database-" Carson cut him off.

"We already looked there…This is not a machine you can fix we're talking about, it's a human life, lad" He massaged the bridge of his nose as he said it.

"I know" Rodney felt lost not knowing what to do.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry! I know it's been too long. But I do have an excuse; I just finished my first semester at film school! (Yey me!) So, I'll have about two weeks off(minus the time I'm going on a little trip to the mountains to do some snowboarding!).**

**OK, that's it about me, now on with the story…**

**Warning: Not betaed.**

888888

There she was, standing in the balcony; their balcony. She couldn't help thinking about him, everyday, every minute of every hour. He was her pillar, her strength and deep down she knew he was part of her soul too. _What would she do without him? _But she stopped that train of thoughts…She couldn't abandon her hope because that was all that kept her from shattering to pieces. And Carson had been right. She was supposed to be at her best to help John, at least to be there for him. But Elizabeth didn't have time for eating and she certainly couldn't sleep.

Standing in their balcony she waited for the natural darkness to set in, and then she headed to the infirmary.

888888

Rodney had being working late again. He usually was when something like this happened. He wanted to keep his demons at bay, so he just focused on his job and on talking to John in the infirmary. Even though those two little things were what kept him from breaking, he didn't let on…

People often thought of McKay as a genius with a deficiency in any type of social skills…And they were right. While on Earth Rodney never really wanted to create some kind of family. But now, in Atlantis, Rodney had changed; he discovered what family really means. And most important, he didn't want to change any of it…

He knew if John died he would lose everything he gained during his time in Atlantis.

888888

Teyla felt worn out, and not just in a physical way. Watching John inert body lying on a bed and thinking he may not wake up brought her horrible dreams at night. A life in Atlantis for her was unimaginable without John. Although Teyla felt comfortable around some people here it wasn't the same. John Sheppard had included her in his team and in his society…

She didn't imagine how Ronon must feel. The former runner was an outsider to Earth customs as much as she had been at first. But at least Teyla had her people and more time with earthlings that he has had. At that thought she decided to be there for Ronon, and so she headed for the one place she knew he'd be: the gym.

888888

Sounds...That was the first things to register in her foggy mind. Some time later she figured she was still in the infirmary, beside him. She had fallen asleep again.

By the time her head was clearer she heard Carson talking to her.

"Hi…Any progress?" Asked Elizabeth, still watching John's relaxed face.

"I'm afraid not, lass" Answered Carson in a sad voice.

Elizabeth looked broken, and Carson didn't know if what he was about to tell her would upset her even more; but he felt he needed to.

"He…When we were on the cave he said some things" That got Weir's attention.

"Things?" A puzzled look on her face

"He told me he made you cry…The Colonel was pretty troubled about it" He said thinking about the last thing he heard from him. "He told me to tell you he was sorry, love" Carson watched Elizabeth intently for her reaction.

"He didn't…Why he keeps doing this, Carson?" When she thought she couldn't cry no more Elizabeth felt the stream as the tears started falling. And as a reaction she squeezed John's hand. But of course she didn't expect him to squeeze back, so when he did she almost fell off her chair.

"What's wrong, Elizabeth?" A very worried Carson asked her.

"He just squeezed my hand!" Elizabeth cried out, excited.

Carson immediately started checking the various monitors surrounding John's bed.

"John, can you hear me?" Elizabeth said, her eyes never leaving John's.

"If you hear us, open your eyes now, lad" Now Carson too was hovering over John's face.

A few seconds passed and John's eyelids opened just a bit, and then they were closed again.

"Come on, lad. You're doing great. Open those eyes for me" Carson commanded his patient.

888888

He felt somebody's hand wrapping his, although it was comforting it also proved a little confusing. John didn't remember having any girlfriend or anybody that close to him. Sheppard also heard voices calling to him, saying something he couldn't quite understand. Trying a little harder he could get some of the one sided conversation. They wanted him to open his eyes, so he did…Very little at first, there was too much light wherever he was. His next attempt proved successful.

888888

A smile crept across her face. Elizabeth felt so relieved at just watching those beautiful hazel eyes stare at her again.

"Hi, sleepy head…You had as so worried" She whispered the last part, not wanting to overwhelm him just yet.

Seeing John's expression of pain Carson went to get a syringe and released its contents in John's IV.

"You're gonna be OK now, son…Just rest" Carson soothed his friend.

"Who are you?" John managed to croak out before he fell in restful slumber.

Elizabeth and Carson's joyful faces were exchanged for shocked and worried expressions.

TBC

**A/N: OK, I personally didn't like this chapter too much. Sorry, I had to re-read almost the whole story, and I wrote it pretty fast, considering. **

**Well, I'm feeling pretty guilty for my lack in updates so I'll ask you something…Do you think I should just wrap this story up so I'll finish it soon or are you up to what I really had in mind? (It's a fair question I believe, seeing how I made whoever is reading this wait far too long) **

**PS: If it's the latter then I'll take long, seeing I don't have much time to write (except probably next week)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: First of all I must tell you I know very little of any kind of medical treatment. So it's highly probable that all of it it's wrong, lol.**

**Secondly, thanks for all the reviews, they do really make my day.**

**This Fic still hasn't been betaed( somebody offered me to beta it, but I just finished this chappy and thought you could all by pass the mistakes and just be thankful I finally updated…lol. Hopefully at least someone will be thankful, hehe) All right, I'll let you to it…**

888888

When Elizabeth heard his words her smile fell. Carson had been right, he wasn't gonna be the same man…He didn't even remember her. Fresh tears started to fall. Just when she thought there was not possible to shed any more tears.

Devastated she headed to the balcony, to drop her tears alone.

888888

Carson wasn't really sure what to expect, but John's questions was even below the last thing on his list of things to hear. It had surprised both him and Elizabeth, who short after John succumbed to sleep left the room, crying.

"I just thought I saw Elizabeth crying…?" Carson didn't even heard Rodney's approach. "Carson?" Rodney's concerned and nervous voice got his attention.

"Yes, lad. You certainly did" Carson said as he massaged his temple. "John just woke up" The sad look on his face got Rodney even more worried now.

"What! And you just tell me now! Unbelievable, haven't you heard I'm-" He was starting one of his little speeches, but Carson didn't have the energy right now and cut him off.

"Oh, Rodney, would you please shut up for a moment…" He sighed. "..I told you he just woke up a few minutes ago; I know how concerned you've been"

"Right, right…Sorry" Rodney apologized awkwardly.

"As I told you he woke up, but just briefly…" Carson wasn't sure how to break the news to the scientist. Rodney looked so hopeful.

"And?"

"He…Apparently he doesn't remember us" There he'd said it.

"WHAT! What do you mean _exactly _by that?" Rodney's face showed his fear, it was pink already and getting redder and redder as he paced in the space next to John's bed.

And as a precaution Carson roughly lead the scientist out of John's room.

"Stop that, Rodney. As I said before, he was conscious for just a wee bit, so we didn't gather much information from him. Maybe he just got confused or something, I don't know, lad"

" You really believe that?" McKay's eyes sparkled with faith and Carson was afraid of crashing that faith to the depth of the ocean.

" I...It's a possibility" He wasn't lying, not really.

"OK" The disappointment in Rodney's voice was palpable.

"Maybe it's just temporary" _Yeah, that could be too_He thought to himself, maybe John would be alright…_God, I hope so._

888888

The news of John's little moment of awareness traveled fast. And that was why Teyla was headed to the infirmary. When entering she noticed it was quite crowded. She noticed none of the people were injured. She smiled knowing this people were here to hear about the Colonel. News traveled fast indeed.

"Excuse me, have you seen Doctor Beckett?" She asked a nurse.

"No, I'm sorry ma'am. I think he went looking for Doctor Weir" Answered the nurse in a polite tone.

Teyla knew she wouldn't be seeing the Colonel until she talked to Carson. So she decided to wait till he talked to Doctor Weir before going to look for him.

888888

_He walked inside the office after her. She was so beautiful. _

_While she sat down at her chair he did the same with one of the chairs opposite._

"_So, Major, I guess you are quite baffled after what you've seen and heard today" She spoke with a kind smile on her face._

"_You'd guess correctly, ma'am" He replied, shifting uncomfortably at all the attention he was causing._

_After a moment of silence where John felt terribly scrutinized, she continued._

"_I'm going to be truthful with you, Major. We need people like you in this expedition" Not beating around the bush. He liked her already._

"_So I've heard" He looked at his hands. He wasn't sure if he should accept this. He didn't really have anything on Earth, but going to other planets…Other galaxies for Christ sake! It was a huge step he wasn't to eager to take just yet. And seeing how a screw up he had been here, the responsibility of representing Earth was a little too much for his shoulders to bear._

"_And…?" She looked curious._

"_Thanks, but no thanks" As he motioned to get up she stopped him._

"_Major…This is a one time opportunity in a lifetime, are you sure you just want to give it up?" She didn't give up easily._

"_Positive" And he left the room._

888888

"Elizabeth?" Asked Carson, entering the balcony outside the Gateroom.

"I'm OK, Carson" She whispered.

"Lass, I know you're not. You can talk to me…Please" Carson continued while approaching the sound of her voice. When he reached her he sat beside her, hugging her. And right then she broke.

"It's so hard, Carson…" She said in between sobs.

"I know, I know…But he's still with us, love. We'll get through this" He soothed

"I hope so. I don't know what I'd do without him" She confessed

"It's going to be alright, lass…You'll see"

And they stood like that, reassuring each other…

888888

The nest day John woke up again, and Elizabeth was beside him, sleeping in the chair next to his bed.

He didn't know if she should wake her. Although she must be concern for her to be here he wasn't sure how close they were…John supposed he must have taken the job then…

"Hi" Came the soft voice beside him.

"Hi" He answered looking at Dr. Weir's eyes.

"You must be confused…I'm Dr. Elizabeth Weir- Before she could continue he cut her off.

"I know who you are. I think I have bits and pieces of the last two years…But I know you're the leader of the Atlantis Expedition…Right?" He finished, not so sure.

"Yes" She beamed" And you are my second in command. Thank God" The last bit she said it to herself.

"I am!" He asked surprised.

"Oh…Bits and pieces, right" She wasn't sure how to break the news related to Sumner's death to him so she let it go for the moment.

"Apparently too little what I know Doctor" He said frustrated.

"You can call me Elizabeth" He looked a little surprised by that, but quickly hid it. "If you already have remembered bits, it probably means you'll get more memories soon" He didn't look very convinced.

"Sure" He muttered, shifting a little, which reminded Elizabeth to call Beckett.

"I'm just going to call Carson" Seeing not a sign of recognition from John she added… "He's our Chief Surgeon…and our friend"

After a couple of minutes Carson came rushing towards his bed, with Elizabeth in tow.

"It's nice to have you back, lad. Doctor Weir told me you remember some things, that's good to know" He said cheerfully.

"You must be, er, Carson" John wasn't sure if it was OK to call de doctor by his name.

"That'd be me, son" Carson's grin grew even bigger.

The doctor performed a quick check of his patient and by the time it was over Johns eyes were shutting.

"Rest up, Colonel" _COLONEL?_ Was the last thought John Sheppard had before sleep claimed him.

888888

**A/N: If you didn't guess, italics are thoughts, dreams or memories… :)  
**

**Please R&R, it will take you just a moment…**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: **Guys, I am really sorry this has taken so long, no muse no updates. This is very short, I know, but I'm trying to get back in the game, so please bear with me a few chapters.

Also, a favour. I am a filmmaker, and to try to make it I really need a camera(obviously, lol) and I'm participating on a contest to **WIN** one. It's only a short video on youtube that recreates a scene from a movie, but only the three with more views will be watched by the judges, so if is not too much bother(if it's too much bother, please still do it) and you wanna make a girl from across the world really, really happy just click on this link **www. youtube**** .com/watch?v=7tGdz9WHPNM** (I separated the dot after www and the dot after youtube). If you hate the vid it doesn't matter, just the click will help me.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH beforehand, and also for reading.

Hugs,

SF

888888

The next time John woke up he felt a little better physically, but had had a very unsettling dream that he was now believing to be reality. White faced monsters, suffering, killings and guilt, that was the basics.

The doctor had said Colonel to him, and that was a shocker. After Afghanistan he thought he was lucky they let him stay and still fly. They sended him to Antartica, but he didn't care as long as he could fly something, anything.

So, being referred to as Colonel left him confused and ready to ask some question. The best option right now seemed to wait till someone came to check on him and face the truth.

888888

Elizabeth Weir was a calm and collected person. It took years of learning and training to become the negotiator that she now was. Calm was what she was supposed to be right now, but she wasn't. Having John back, alive and now awake, was a huge relieve for the entire expedition, but mostly for her sake too. But she isn't calm, not yet. John barely remembers her and all the traumas he has suffered in the Pegasus Galaxy, which is quiet a lot according to her. She is worried about him, how will he react when he knows he killed Sumner, that he woke the Wraith, that he lost Ford. Elizabeth knew he blamed himself for all of that and all the people that have died since he stepped foot in this galaxy. So much misguided guilt on his shoulder.

888888

Beckett had slept little to nothing, wo it wasn't a shocker the face staring back at him in the mirror that morning. He brushed his teeth and washed his face again, blinked twice and exited the bathroom. Carson was ready to start his day, he sughed, put on his lab coat and headed to the infirmary.

On the way he met Rodney and talked for a few minutes about the Colonel and how he preferred John to be out of the hectic social event that was having him awake, ergo, no visits apart from his and Elizabeth for a few days. Rodney complained ans whined, but in the end he let go and muttered something like 'Crazy old vodoo people'.

At the infirmary Carson went straight to John's bed and was happy to find him awake. John was lying on his back, looking at the ceiling with a strange impression on his face. Carson

"Well, hello there" Carson said happily, trying to change the mood.

"Hey" Answered John, looking at him.

John sat up on his bed slowly and with some winces of pain. Beckett tensed at his patient disconfort but felt John didn't need to be mothered so he coul feel more in control. After a minute John was settled and looking at him again.

"Can you tell me what happened?" John asked, serious.

Beckett took a few seconds to think how to address John's question. And then decided to answer truthfully.

"Mission gone wrong…You saved my life, lad" John looked at him frowning in thought.

"Are we…are we friends?" Apparently it was a hard question for Sheppard. But Carson took no time in answering.

"Yes we are" he smiled to lighten the subject "We all are".

John got quiet, thinking. Friends for him didn't appear easily, and Carson knew this.

"There is a lot of people that wants to see you. That is happy to know you are OK" John looked at him again this time very surprised which got Beckett a little angry with the people that has ever made the Colonel feel unwanted.

A small silence extended while Beckett checked on Sheppard. Everything seemed fine with his notes which was very good.

"How are you feeling, lad?" The doctor asked.

"Fine" answered Sheppard, and the doctor expected no less. He smiled knowing his friend was back.

"Well, I'm going to call Jenny so she brings you some breakfast" The doctor turned in the direction of his office when John spoke.

"Doctor…Can you please ask Dr. Weir, whenever she has the time, to come and tell me everything that has happened this two years" Carson looked unsure, he didn't know if his patient was ready for what was going to be an emotional shock.

"Please, I want to know" Contiunued Sheppard in a strong voice. The doctor only nodded, hoping for the best.

A/N: OK guys, hope you like it(it has been veru hard to keep up with the story and I'm sorry for that). Please remember to click this link **www. youtube**** .com/watch?v=7tGdz9WHPNM** (I separated the dot after www and the dot after youtube).

Thank you and for reading and youtubing!

SF.


End file.
